did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
