I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All the doctor said was why
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
