Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
