can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
