i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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