Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
