Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
