I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize