google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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