it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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