Too much gin, very little bucket
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
