I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Couch. On fire.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize