he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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