I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize