I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
