I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
