but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
