hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
