im having a threesome with these popsicles
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
