Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
