she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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