I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
