i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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