Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
