On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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