my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
