I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize