be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
don't judge my taste in strippers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
