babies were throwing up all over the place
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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