your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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