don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
