I'm so fucking centered right now
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
