I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
