I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
