I will die if light touches me.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize