So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
