is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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