I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
