Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
