I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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