she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize