You're my little dorito
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
