I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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