We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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