1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize