Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Non-Jews are for practice
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
