Kiss
Puke
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
