if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
