Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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