super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
