Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
