didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
