Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
