I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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