where am i from again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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