Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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