She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
