do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
