so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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