She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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