If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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