Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
