My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
