When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
