I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
