Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
